I just finished a great book titled The Question of God by Dr. Armand M. Nicholi, Jr. which was a bowl full of awesome. It compares C.S. Lewis and Sigmund Freud's views on everything including love, sex, grief, pain, and of course God. Since they never met it achieves a debate style forum through comparing their views on subjects through letters and published writings. The last chapter of the book deals with the fact of death. It looks at how your world view can affect your perception of death. It also looks at the various ways you can face your own mortality. This was a chapter that really stuck with me.
When I was fifteen my father died and I think that forced me to take a very good look at my own mortality. As a young boy, and yes at fifteen you're still young, I looked at my Father as someone who would never die. As a matter of fact, I looked at my Grandfather as someone who would never die. I thought they were both just larger than life. Both of them could be compared to great heroes like John Wayne or Burt Reynolds ( I know to you Burt may not be a hero, but to a young man who has just seen Smokey and The Bandit for the first time he is). Then, all of a sudden, one of them is gone. And you start to realize, very quickly, that nothing will last forever and we all have an end moving towards us. It's like being dropped into the woods without knowing where you are, no compass, no map, and nightfall is coming. But sometimes that's what being wild means, it means finding your way out of the woods without a map or a compass. It means not fearing the coming night and preparing for it rather than running from it.
At times the thought of an encroaching death can overwhelm you and you feel like it will be here at any minute. Other times you are so wrapped up in the moment of living that it feels as if the sun will shine on your face for a thousand years. I honestly believe that one of the keys to a happy life is to balance these two feelings. On one hand you have to understand that your days are numbered. That ever since the moment you were conceived time has been marching you towards zeros on your clock. But on the other hand you have to step back and appreciate every moment for what it is. A moment you were alive. A moment where you had someone make a difference in your life. They made you happy or made you more aware of something in this world. Or hopefully a moment where you made a difference.
Now obviously, you can also choose to ignore the fact that one day you will die. But if you do will you have said everything you needed to say? Or done everything you needed to do? Now I know that there will always be something left unsaid or something left undone. But I believe that if you live your life with purpose and try to say everything you need to and do everything you need to, you 'll come close. The last thing I ever said to my dad was "I love you, see you this afternoon." And I always knew that love was returned and even though he said it I would have know anyway through his actions. Because he lived his life purposely. He may not have always been the greatest parent of spouse but we always knew he loved us. You don't always have to be perfect but you always have to try. If you never try to be the best person you can be then things will be left unsaid and undone. By trying you let people know even if you never get to say the right thing or do the right thing.
I also think that facing your own mortality is part of having that wild spirit. If you look at the most impressive and strong creatures in nature you don't see fear or worry over death. You don't see Great Whites or Tigers going to therapy because they're preoccupied with the end that is coming they just live their lives. They know one day they will be no more but it's nothing to be afraid of just something else to pass through. No matter what your world view is that's all death is, something to pass through. If you're an atheist then you believe, just like the animals, you will die and go back into the perpetual food chain. If you're of a religious world view then you believe that death is but a passage into another, and better life.
Now some people with religious views will say that death is something to fear if you're not saved. Eternity in Hell is awaiting you. Well truth be told that's my own personal view but I'm not here to preach to anyone. I honestly believe that everyone's faith is something personal and it's difficult to compare to anyone else's faith, but that's another post.
Either way death is nothing to fear in my case. Instead of running from it I charge towards it. By that I mean I live everyday the best I can. Some days that means hiking to the top of a mountain trail and viewing nature's glory and other days that means just being there for someone in an hour of need. Living life to the fullest doesn't always mean going to the ends of the earth for adventure. When living life to the fullest you just have to fill it with great memories of people not always places.
Controlling your fear of death is one of the keys to having a wild spirit. If you spend your life worrying about when death will come for you, you end up with a life like that of a squirrel. You're always wary and looking behind you. If you confront the fear of death and realize that everyone dies, I know some very famous people have done it, then you free yourself from it's grip to a degree. You become an apex predator of the food chain. You no longer fear being the prey, you walk around with a purpose and devour life. You become WILD like you were meant to be. My Grandfather is now 91 and I believe he is ready and waiting for death. Not to say that he wishes for it, but that he does not fear it. And for me I no longer fear him leaving and no longer fear death looking in my direction. We are a wild family and we are ready for whatever may come.
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